A few weeks ago I saw an advert for the premier of The Chronicles of Riddick and went along after work for a look. This is what happend.
6.30pm - You know those demented fans that stand behind barriers at film premiers waving autograph books at minor celebs and snapping photos of anything that moves? I'm one of them. But just for today, and only because I want to see Vin Diesel in the flesh.
I'm standing behind some barriers next to the UGC cinema in Leicester Sq with only 2 people in front of me and quite a good view of the red carpet. Grey clouds are looming overhead threatening to drench the assembled audience and a trio of drunken Canadians are standing behind me complaining that there is no one on the street selling beer.
6.40pm -It's not long before I start to get bored and pissed off. The advert in the paper said 6.30 was the start time and the only people I've seen are a bunch of random nobodies and some girl who used to be in Eastenders who's name I cant remember.
6.45pm - 2 actors dressed as extras from the film start marching up and down the carpet. The plebs in the audience get really excited.
7pm - I'm hungry.
7.03pm - Fern Cotton from Children's telly walks past mostly unnoticed by the rest of the crowd.
7.04pm - A silver people carrier pulls up at one end of the carpet, the plebes go mental? 'cos one of the hottest action stars in Hollywood is going to turn up in a people carrier, isn't he. Morons.
7.07pm - A sliver Merc pulls up. I'm willing to bet that this car
contains someone significant. A man with grey hair gets out, the crowd doesn't recognise him but a rumour begins like a Chinese whisper that it's the films director David Twoy.
7.12pm Damn, is it only 5 minutes since I last looked at my watch?
7.18pm The Director is working his way along the far side of the barriers, people are calling out his name and trying to attract his attention.
7.20pm Vanessa from Big brother 5 turns up. The crown get very excited.
7.22pm David Twoy walks past me. The people flanking me boo as he doesn't stop to sign any autographs but does stop for some fans a few meters away.
7.35pm MTV VJ Alex Zane walks past COMPLETELY unnoticed. 2 Asian girls who I don't recognise cause a stir with as small group of girls in the far corner who are getting very excited and asking for pictures and autographs.
7.36pm Vin Diesel finally arrives. He's looking very casual in a black short-sleeved shirt and jeans. I'm quite disappointed that he's wearing the regulation celebrity dark glasses. The impression I had of Vin was that he was beyond such pretensions. I guess I was wrong. Vin immediately starts working the crowd at the farthest end of the red
carpet, signing autographs and kissing a baby (I kid you not).
7.40pm Vin has worked his way around to where I am standing. I am
immediately barged out of the way by a sudden surge of 20-year-old men desperate to touch their hero. I'm also very nearly blinded by the flashes of about 50 cameras - OK I'll admit that maybe the dark glasses were more of a necessity than a vanity, I'm willing to give Vin the benefit of the doubt.
7.41pm Vin has moved on to another section of the crown and I'm going home. I've seen Vin in the flesh and I'm not sticking around under the threat of those rain clouds to see a couple more D listers and reality TV stars. I'm quite disappointed as Vin's actually not that impressive in the flesh. I expected him to be taller and more muscular and just generally more impressive. He's quite ordinary up close. Oh well, yet another cinematic illusion shattered.
I bet The Rock would be more impressive up close.
Tuesday, 31 August 2004
Thursday, 26 August 2004
Lunch
Yesterday, I was asked out to lunch for a work colleagues birthday.
Carl, the lazy arse who was organizing the lunch decided to email me my invitation instead of getting up and walking the 6 metres between our desks.
Lunch was at 1pm. The email arrived at 1.45pm. I spent my lunch hour eating tuna salad out of a plastic container in the kitchen instead of eating a yummy curry in the best curry house in London.
Carl, the lazy arse who was organizing the lunch decided to email me my invitation instead of getting up and walking the 6 metres between our desks.
Lunch was at 1pm. The email arrived at 1.45pm. I spent my lunch hour eating tuna salad out of a plastic container in the kitchen instead of eating a yummy curry in the best curry house in London.
Wednesday, 25 August 2004
Sharon
In this life you sometimes meet people who you take an instant and irrefutable disliking to. Sharon is one of these people.
Basically she's a bitch. She's very bossy and thinks she is always right even though she's actually ill informed and ignorant. She is one of those people who has to be the centre of attention at all times.
We met when on a holiday organised by a mutual friend. I got along great with the other 4 girls I didn't know but Sharon grated on my nerves from day one. However my dislike turned to hate when we returned. Everyone had a great time and said that they would like to do another trip together so I started to organise a weekend break to Paris.
We were all on fairly tight budgets and so taking this into consideration I found a travel agent that did reduced price eurostar tickets and a highly recommended youth hostel in a good location.
Sharon decided that a youth hostel was beneath her and insisted on staying in a hotel. I looked around but couldn't find anything reasonably priced, so she said she'd find one herself.
She spent so long finding one that met with her approval that the cheap eurostar tickets sold out and so the journey cost £99 instead of £69. When added to the cost of the hotel she decided that this was too expensive so instead of dropping out or suggesting we postpone the trip, she emailed everyone and told them the trip was off because it was too expensive AND strongly inferred that it was my fault !
I know that I will never get along with every one I meet, but Sharon is just simply a bitch.
Basically she's a bitch. She's very bossy and thinks she is always right even though she's actually ill informed and ignorant. She is one of those people who has to be the centre of attention at all times.
We met when on a holiday organised by a mutual friend. I got along great with the other 4 girls I didn't know but Sharon grated on my nerves from day one. However my dislike turned to hate when we returned. Everyone had a great time and said that they would like to do another trip together so I started to organise a weekend break to Paris.
We were all on fairly tight budgets and so taking this into consideration I found a travel agent that did reduced price eurostar tickets and a highly recommended youth hostel in a good location.
Sharon decided that a youth hostel was beneath her and insisted on staying in a hotel. I looked around but couldn't find anything reasonably priced, so she said she'd find one herself.
She spent so long finding one that met with her approval that the cheap eurostar tickets sold out and so the journey cost £99 instead of £69. When added to the cost of the hotel she decided that this was too expensive so instead of dropping out or suggesting we postpone the trip, she emailed everyone and told them the trip was off because it was too expensive AND strongly inferred that it was my fault !
I know that I will never get along with every one I meet, but Sharon is just simply a bitch.
Wednesday, 18 August 2004
Reasons I love John Mayer
1. He has a fantastically sexy voice
2. He writes his own songs
3. He writes brilliant songs
4. He is amazing live
5. He encourages fans to bootleg his live gigs and swap recordings
6. He has very kissable lips
Reasons John Mayer Sucks
1. He went out with Jennifer Love-Hewitt (EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!)
2. He said something very stupid and arrogant on his live concert DVD (the lip reading comment – there was just no need)
2. He writes his own songs
3. He writes brilliant songs
4. He is amazing live
5. He encourages fans to bootleg his live gigs and swap recordings
6. He has very kissable lips
Reasons John Mayer Sucks
1. He went out with Jennifer Love-Hewitt (EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!)
2. He said something very stupid and arrogant on his live concert DVD (the lip reading comment – there was just no need)
Sunday, 15 August 2004
Cat Flu
This afternoon a strange woman knocked on my door and threatened to report me to the RSPCA because she thinks my cat has Cat Flu.
She must be mad. I just looked up the symptoms of cat flu – which are sneezing, a runny nose and discharge from the eyes. Lucky has none of these symptoms.
My cat is 17 years old and he can’t take the heat inside the house during the summer. For the past 3 years Lucky has taken up residence in our back garden as soon as the weather starts getting warmer. He spent his days laying in the shade under the lavender bush only coming inside the house to eat. We always leave a large water bowl in the shade by the door for him.
This summer for some reason he has taken a dislike to the back garden and moved into the front garden. He still spends all day sleeping in the shade and we leave a large water bowl by the door for him so he doesn't get dehydrated. He gets fed first thing in the morning before I go to work and again when I get home. As soon as he has finished eating he literally runsfrom the kitchen to the front door and meows to be let out.
He’s old and smelly and dusty from lying on the paving stones but he’s in no way mistreated. So what the hell this woman is on about is beyond me.
She must be mad. I just looked up the symptoms of cat flu – which are sneezing, a runny nose and discharge from the eyes. Lucky has none of these symptoms.
My cat is 17 years old and he can’t take the heat inside the house during the summer. For the past 3 years Lucky has taken up residence in our back garden as soon as the weather starts getting warmer. He spent his days laying in the shade under the lavender bush only coming inside the house to eat. We always leave a large water bowl in the shade by the door for him.
This summer for some reason he has taken a dislike to the back garden and moved into the front garden. He still spends all day sleeping in the shade and we leave a large water bowl by the door for him so he doesn't get dehydrated. He gets fed first thing in the morning before I go to work and again when I get home. As soon as he has finished eating he literally runsfrom the kitchen to the front door and meows to be let out.
He’s old and smelly and dusty from lying on the paving stones but he’s in no way mistreated. So what the hell this woman is on about is beyond me.
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